There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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