words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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