Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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