did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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