dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
