none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection