I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
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Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
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I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.