All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.