I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
