So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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