i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
