i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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