my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
