No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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