I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
