I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
