I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
