We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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