i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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