i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
