We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
