genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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