didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
