??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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