a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
