Hey man sorry I got all grabby
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
sarcasm needs its own font
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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