I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
