Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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