im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just threw up on my dentist
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
