This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
