I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
