I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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