i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
