how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
