I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
