It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
