All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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