Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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