Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You pole danced in your parka.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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