just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
3 2 1 whiskey
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
