No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
