What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
