He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
