I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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