Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I accidentally burped into my bong.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize