i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
