I will die if light touches me.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
