don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
