I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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