And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
whose parrot is this?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
