I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
