You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
