SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Boobs speak an international language.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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