I am in a vortex of obligation.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
