I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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