Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
