I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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