the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
It's Friday. Sex?
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize