Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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