i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
