Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
