pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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