based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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