i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
