now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
