every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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