Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
