Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
