yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
